"Off Again Boss ??" All year without any road trips and then two in two weeks??
Of course, I am a little worried by the extra hisses in the engine compartment. We know that the Head Gasket is on the way out - and we are losing water a little - not a lot - but enough to notice and need topping up. Booking the van into the garage is not really a problem - other than it being a very expensive month for cars so far - but I now find out that we may need it to go to Aylesbury for New Year - and that is a longer journey than Wye Valley...
So - with fingers crossed and an extra bottle of water, ans 5 litres of the brightest anti-freeze I have ever seen - bright almost fluorescent orange !! we are ready to go ...
With all the costs of Christmas - the following seemed apt....
Cut Backs for Christmas...
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced
the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant,
providing considerable savings in maintenance;
Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the
French;
The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail
system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who
the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other
precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks,
appear to be in order;
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per
goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three
geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by
personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will
be a good one;
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The
current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing
their outplacement;
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward
mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending,
a-mentoring or a-mulching;
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the
expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to
suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping
ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect
an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of
the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on
new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to
the bottom line;
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl,
animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that
stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship
in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion
to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is
pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should
that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White
Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
Bah Humbugg !!!
the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant,
providing considerable savings in maintenance;
Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the
French;
The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail
system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who
the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other
precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks,
appear to be in order;
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per
goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three
geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by
personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will
be a good one;
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The
current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing
their outplacement;
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward
mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending,
a-mentoring or a-mulching;
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the
expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to
suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping
ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect
an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of
the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on
new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to
the bottom line;
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl,
animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that
stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship
in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion
to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is
pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should
that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White
Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
Bah Humbugg !!!
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