Thursday, 27 November 2014

27th November 2014 - Happy Thanksgiving to all except Turkeys

Thought for the day : "What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A: A turkey that can pluck itself!"

And so we have a blog with no real reason except to celebrate an american institution...
so be it ...


A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the lad in the supermarket "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" He replied "No they're dead."

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? A: Plymouth Rock
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church? A: They use FOWL language.
Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? A: It had 24 carrots.
Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight? A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A: A turkey that can pluck itself!
Q: What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? A: Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Q: Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A: A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring? A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Dear Turkeys, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.
Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's popcorn?
Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? A: Their AGE!
Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down? A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band? A: Because he had the drumsticks
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: "If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!"
Q: What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? A: We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
Q: If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want? A: It simply wants to run away.
Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? A: God save the kin.
Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? A: The outside
Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey? A: They suspected it of fowl play
Q: What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? A: The turKEY
Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted? A: Boy! I'm stuffed!
Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? A: He had an arrow escape
Q: What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? A: To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.
Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? A: Because they never learned good table manners!
Q: What sound does a space turkey make? A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Q: What key has legs and can't open doors? A: A Turkey.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: It was the chicken's day off!
Q: Which cat discovered America? A: Christofurry Columbus
Q: What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called? A: Turkey feathers
Q: What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? A: The turkey trot
Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? A: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving
Q: What do you call the age of a pilgrim? A: Pilgrimage.
Q:What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? A: Puritan.
Q: What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? A: Pil-grimace.
Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? A: Pilgrammar.
Q: What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim? A: Pilgrim Reaper.
Q: What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? A: Fangs-giving.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A: A poultrygeist!
Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? A: The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Q: In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? A: Turkey.
Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? A: Goblet.
Q: What was the turkey suspected of? A: Fowl play.
Q: What's the best way to stuff a turkey? A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Q: Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? A: To hatchet.
Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make? A: Wing! Wing!
Q: What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? A: The turkey trot.
Q: What do you call a stuffed animal? A: You after thanksgiving.
Q: How do you keep Thanksgiving Day guests from falling asleep on your couch? A: Infuse the gravy with cocaine.
Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner? A: Your nose.
Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A: A Har- VEST.
Q: Why dont people in the ghetto celebrate thanksgiving? A: KFC isnt open on holidays.
Q: How do Rednecks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Pump kin!
Q: What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common? A: One has gobblers, the other goblins.
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? A: Pumpkin pi.
Q: What is a pumpkin's favorite sport? A: Squash

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," Little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.
Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.
I can't think of a better time to have the munchies.
There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving.
Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium.
You don't need Thanksgiving to hate your family.
If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.
On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment ..... halftime.
They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, Turkeypocolypse or Stuffing-cide.
Want to really freak someone out? Add 2 extra turkey legs to the turkey when it’s in the oven.
For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!
Happy Turkey Day, America!
Don’t forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

And finally..
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. -Johnny Carson

Me - I don't support foreign celebrations - I shall have a glass of port -
Maybe a glass of scotch

but no turkey!!

Night !!!

Useless item of the day
ideal for the useless parking of the day?

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