I had no real idea what the background thought was - but somehow it touched a chord, perhaps on an emotional level as only the best enigmatic concepts do. Knowing the writer, a bouncy buoyant individual who suffers periodic debilitating bouts, I pretty well understood what she meant just from the expression.
In my own experience, the issue of spoons mainly always surrounded the expatriation and emigration of the elusive Tea Spoon. Through my original homelife and about 45 years of current domicile, teaspoons have always disappeared from our house. I have never understood why! In most of those days we took sugar in our tea and coffee, so it is accepted that spoons were being used more than they are now - and it is quite likely that those spoons would occasionally get transported around the house - but where they went after that was anyone's guess!! I therefore grew up and raised a family in a house where I knew that the spoons were likely to go missing!... In later times, a change in domestic practice meant that teaspoons were stored in alternative locations from the Cutlery drawer. Somehow, mixing the teaspoon with the "other" cutlery had always led to missing utensils - the use of a large cup to hold the spoons separately meant that we kept track of our spoons...
But, though we are now in control of our spoons - the post "I am out of spoons today!" still touched a feeling ... I "liked" it as seems to be the way these days in the land of Facebook, though my "like" was meant as a "I like the content implied by your words rather than the thought that you may actually be missing something" rather than "I revel in your misery if misery is what you are expressing" a way in which it could be interpreted, but there is no button for that !
But I delved a little deeper and found the following link which explains the whole concept very well.
It is called "But you don't look sick dot com" and is written by © 2003 by Christine Miserandino Butyoudontlooksick.com...
It is quite a long link and well written, but in deference to Christine M she restricts the use of a copying of any of her text - so I will summarise the key points and let you read at your own leisure...
I suppose it can best be described as a form of support - and is pitched at those like myself who do not suffer from a debility or illness. It is directed at someone like myself who really has no idea about life with a disability or continuing illness, or pain. I live with those who have been in pain so should have a better idea - but in fairness I do not !!
In a nutshell, Christine suggests that those like me - with their health and energy, we start each day with a full cup of spoons - possibly more in a drawer or a cupboards, slightly inconveniently situated, but accessible in emergencies....
However, those with a disability, a debilitating condition, or any of those "illnesses" that are not immediately apparent to the outsider, they do not have an unlimited resource - they start with a finite number of spoons - let us say 12 !
"Start your day" says Christine, "and list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. Each one will cost a spoon!" Do it now ! Think of the daily chores, or just fun things. Try it now in your mind! If, like Christine's friend you jump right into getting ready for work as your first task of the morning - Stop there !
No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can't take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.
Take away a spoon right now ! - You haven't got dressed yet !
Showering will cost cost a spoon, just for washing hair and cleaning feet. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but you get the idea...
Choose the rest of your day wisely. When your “spoons” are gone, they are gone.
Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s "spoons", but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less
"spoons". Tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them.
Try a day and tick off your spoons for each task. At the end of the day you may be hungry. Imagine if you have to eat dinner but only have one spoon left. If you cook, you may not have enough energy to clean the pots. If you go out for dinner, you may be too tired to drive home safely. I do not need to add that you may be too nauseous, and cooking is probably out of the question anyway. Maybe make soup!
It is only 7pm. You have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something
fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.
This is just a brief insight into the full story - Christine says I said simply, “I have
learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared”
My heart goes out to her and those who struggle each day to do those things that I find so easy. I tend to think that I am a positive individual, but realise now that I have the easiest starting point to be positive.
When my friend posted one day that "Someone has just broken into my house - punched me in the kidneys and stolen all my spoons!" I immediately knew exactly what she meant. I may not be able to experience the same feelings, the courage that each day requires, but I do think that I have a slightly better understanding...
If I had the opportunity, I would extend all my extra spoons - and hand them out .. I would open a garage sale and say - take what you need !!
I can't. But next time you see a spoon, have a cup of coffee, eat a yoghurt, think about how many spoons you have used to day and how many your friends may have left...
I am from Wales - and the Love Spoon seems most appropriate for this post....
I lift my glass of Jura - to all who may be short of spoons today - and wish them a full canteen tomorrow..
[all references to Spoons copyright to © 2003 by Christine Miserandino Butyoudontlooksick.com...
No infringement intended or implied - ]
I'm FAMOUS... sort of...
ReplyDeleteAwesomely written (as all of your stuff is) It's so nice to hear that the spoon theory has helped another non-spoonie understand :-) And very appropriate for the day too! May you always be blessed with MANY SPOONS (for with spoons, comes tea...)
Good post. I've come across the spoon analogy in the past, and as someone who has learnt to live with a restricted allocation of the damn things, it's very close to my heart. Sometimes I forget to keep one spoon in reserve and run out of energy to eat the dinner I've cooked, but that's my problem and after 22 years with limited spoons, one that doesn't occur too often these days.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing about this, the more people that hear it, the more people will understand and perhaps be a little more forgiving.