My friend Roger the Barber Surgeon has been at it again.
I enjoy his musing so today will repeat one of his...
I was propositioned twice on Friday night. Well, actually, it was early Saturday morning as I was waiting for my taxi in Cardiff. After a cracking United Services Mess dinner in the Angel, and a shandy or two back at the mess with the lads, there I was at around half one outside the castle when along came a group of sparkly under dressed young ladies sporting pink cowboy hats, pink fairy wings and the one at the front with a sash saying 'bride' and bedecked in 'L' plates.
Five minutes of fun, banter, several suggestions from the girls, which at my age are offered more in charity I think, and a 'good luck for the big day' kiss (on the bride to be's cheek I hasten to add) off they wobbled with their next targets already in sight. I still wonder if those two poor coppers survived !
The next encounter wasn't so pleasant. Along came a middle aged fellow apparently sober. He asked me the time, whilst telling him I noticed that he was wearing a watch. He asked me what I was doing, I replied waiting for a taxi. All the time he was getting closer, he then offered me a lift home in his car which was around the corner. Now, call me suspicious but this all seemed rather dodgy. Firstly his actions were questionable to say the least but the fact that I'm a middle aged bloke with a growing Santa beard and an ever enlarging girth to match didn't seem to put him off. By now he was seriously invading my space and making other suggestions which I won't repeat here so the only recourse, as kindly diplomacy hadn't worked, was to give him what a few of my friends have referred to as 'the voice'. So with full projection, diction as sharp as Lyndon Davies' trouser creases I let him have it both barrels in the simplest way possible ' stand away from me now, go away'. He slimed off muttering something about me being homophobic ( that's good considering some of my dearest friends and colleagues are gay, and only the other month I had the honour of being the celebrant for the wedding blessing of Alice and Naomi). What an unpleasant bastard.
Anyway last week I had an encounter with a time lord. Actually not a time lord but a lord of time. Oh yes, Leonard Cole, clock and watch repairer of Newport who is to be found in his cave of delights at the bottom of Stow Hill in Newport. Now, I've mentioned Mr Cole before, if memory serves. To give you an idea of his skills in horology it's said that when time itself was invented, back in the earliest of days, the great creator went to see Mr Cole for advice on which should come first, the tick or the tock. This is the man who can get time moving again, and this is what happened.
My old pocket watch stopped working and felt as if it was overwound. Now this watch originally wasn't mine it was dads, and before it was dads it was grandfathers and before his it was great grandfathers, so I really like to keep the old chap in best working order (and as Mr Cole said a few years ago the best way to do that is to use it) I took it in and the conversation went thus:
" Bit of a problem with the watch Mr Cole"
" Oh right, well, I don't do pocket watches any more" This said as he took it off me.
" Too many things to go wrong you see" He opened the back.
" They're not economic to repair these days" He wiggled the smallest screwdriver in Christendom into the workings.
" And if bits are broken you can't get replacements" He dripped a drop oil from the tiniest oil can known to mankind and held it to a light bulb to burn the excess off.
" Too much of a hassle, there we are, good as new."
Handing me back the now tick tocking timepiece. He'd bump started time itself, brilliant !
" Wow, how much do I owe you Mr Cole?"
" Stick something in the charity box".
And that's not the first time he's said that to me.
So, if your clock needs tickling up or your watch has gone on strike, go and see Mr Cole. But don't bother if it's a pocket watch. He doesn't do pocket watches anymore.
I always enjopy his little missives ...
Cheers !!
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