So a large Storm with the unlikely name of Frank is messing up the North and Scotland and people who bought houses in flood plains are wondering how it could ever be allowed to get wet... There are pictures of fine Victorian railway bridges spanning whole areas with large arches to let the water across the flood plain with brand new houses on both sides ...
My favourite which I cannot find is a flooded couple of fields with a sign saying"Development land for 32 dwellings" half under water.....
Don't get me wrong, I have every sympathy for those who are having their Christmas and winter destroyed by a succession of personal disasters in the form of flooding, and are spending their time shoring up their houses - but looking at the planning of some properties gives you pause for thought.
But though the Storm is mainly in the North we have not been exempt here in Western Wales. We have had the tail end of the Storm and the rain has been driving, and the thunder has been loud and the lightning bright... As I drove up Sandy this lunchtime there was standing water across the road and the culverts were filled...
But that was not the worst part of the whole exercise... I went Shopping!
Well, I went shopping for myself while I was there but in the main I went shopping for my mother, to get her the bits and bobs that she needs to keep her in lunches, tea and biccies.. Now as my mother is in her late 80's, I cannot say how many as she occasionally reads this blog, she is sometimes a little set in her ways. She insists on giving me a shopping list with the tea and the butter and the milk and the cheeses and meats and will go as far as toilet rolls, but she then likes to get another list for my wife to get her - this relates to any of the more "feminine" items..
In this case, she wanted panty-liners and some Maybeline makeup.
She sort of accepted that I could get the makeup but she was rather put out that I would be able to find an intimate item like panty-liners, albeit that they would be clearly marked on the shelves of Tesco...
Having agreed that I could actually get them - she elected for three packets, I think to prevent the embarrassment of having to get them again soon. I said I would never be embarrassed.
So, having made my way to Tescos and choosing my "scan as you go" pistol and basket (there are some who do not like the self service equipment - I think it is great) and so I filled up my basket. I have purposefully chosen one of the shallow trollies as I did not have much to get - but then saw that the 24 cans of Diet Coke were 2 for £10, and whisky was back down to £15 a litre, and we needed some red wine for New Year's Eve in case someone arrived - we could not waste the Chateau 41 so the basket filled up quite quickly - but much went straight into the two bags I had brought with me. (Don't even start me on the inability of the English to accept paid bags as a means to STOP you buying them !)
But by the time I got to the self scan check out the basket was pretty full, with three packs of panty-liners in securely placed between a box of meringues and a roll of black bags... The bill was a little higher than I was expecting when I went in - but that happens if you stock up on some items for yourself. And so obviously, this was the occasion where I was randomly chosen for a re-scan by staff.... It happens .. It is still quicker than waiting in the queue...
So everything was brought out of the bags and quickly scanned and as luck would have it I was right in my scanning skills ... so I was allowed to carry on my way.. A hurried repacking of the bags meant that some items did not go back in with the usual Tardis - Tetris manner - but I only had a short journey to the car.... And so I went - with three boxes of panty-liners precariously balanced on the top with a huge bag of Quavers dangling to the side...
Now Tescos Stores are carefully designed to ensure that you are well sheltered from the elements while within their domain, a hint of warmth to keep you secure and the hint of bread to make you feel at home... as you leave their protective presence - there is little to shelter you from the worst of the weather - in this case the tail end of Mr Frank!
And as I started for the little ramp that allows you to push your trolley into the car park, a huge gust of wind came across the car park, knocked me so that I staggered - and took my three boxes of panty-liners clear off the top of the trolley! I was blown by the wind - but frantically turned the trolley to look for a safe haven - and heading back toward the automatic doors, managed to wedge said trolley into a nook between the ATM machine and the Postman Pat kiddies ride.. and rushed off to find my panty-liners quickly disappearing from view around the corner. One box was by the cash point so I stuffed it into the trolly - and regardless of my £150 worth of shopping and the bag containing my wallet and chequebook set off again.. 25 yards they had gone by now - and in the main lane of the car park - and as I crouched to pick it up - a further gust swept it out of my reach - as my glasses spun out of my top pocket into a large puddle. Retrieving my glasses I headed back after the second box... three times I reached for it - just to have it blow a little out of my reach... With a giant leap for mankind I managed to stop it with a foot, a manoeuvre that any professional footballer ( none of which I would be able to name ) would have been proud of.
The wind did not let up - and regardless of the likelihood that a small audience was gathering to watch the old man chasing panty-liners across the car park, and now the rain decided to drop with a deluge... but in the distance - another 20 yards and I could see that last box of panty-liners heading for the underneath of a Volvo - so I went into full "chariots of fire" mode ( probably the slow motion bit considering my level of current fitness) and launched myself at the last item as it headed for the rear bumper.. and then just as I reached out - my fingers brushed the pink and white Tesco economy cardboard... one final breath of wind took it right under the car..
I did one full circuit of the car - sure that it must come out the other side.. but no - the exclusive testing that Volvo engage in at their Wind Tunnels, checking the aerodynamics of their vehicle, meant that the box was sitting under the middle of the car - a point equally distant from every part of the exterior.... Nothing for it but to kneel down in the (now) pouring rain and reach in for the box...
With both prizes in hand - I recalled that I had left my trolley full of pretty expensive items - all paid for, my wallet and cheque book under the care of Postman Pat - who, if we are fair, does not have a great reputation for responsible behaviour... but luckily, as I return, proudly bearing my trophies, I find that a young lady has taken charge of my trolley and is looking after it - while watching my antics with a smile on her face.. I thanked her and she did not even mention the wares which I stuffed into the trolley as she returned into the shop to start her own purchases...
As luck would have it I managed to get back to the car without further problem despite the wind and rain and tucked all items safely into the back...
But all things considered - maybe my mother was right and buying her panty-liners would cause me embarrassment - just not the way she expected..
So - to finish the year off.. a festive thought from A & E...
Happy New Year
Hilarious - could only be better had someone captured it all on video.
ReplyDeleteHilarious - could only be better had someone captured it all on video.
ReplyDelete